You are currently browsing the Prankies Blog blog archives for June, 2011.
Two speeches, from two very different men, both duelling with each other but one flies as high as King Kong atop the moon, the other flops like Hugh Hefner’s love life without Viagra.
One has the lines “Twat the fuckery out of them” and “Let’s set fire to tears!”, the other doesn’t. One has Malcolm Tucker, the other has a soft-faced Tory d-bag.
Look it’s that bloke off the telly, what’s his name, Terry Christian, but he’s let himself go. No, not Terry Christian that other one, Mark Lamarr, but he’s really fucking let himself go.
No, sorry, not Mark Lamarr that other guy, the singer. You know, that’s it, Edwyn Collins… but he’s let himself go. No, not that man, but a 1930s newspaper cartoon of tarzan’s face, which has let itself go.
This year Wimbledon 2011 is going to be a little bit special, For the first time in 125 years the greatest tennis action from the Championships will be aired live – in 3D – at cinemas all across the globe. Never before has it been possible to have such an immersive tennis experience.
It will add a whole new dimension to the championships – as well as catching even more of the exciting action, you will be ducking to avoid the balls as they emerge from the screen. See where your nearest cinema to catch the action is at sony.wimbledon.com
The cruelty that can only come from the infantile, underdeveloped minds of young children is beautifully displayed in this old PBS (Public Broadcasting Service) special.
Watch with depressing sadness as poor Eileen, who just wanted to show off her new perm, is instead ridiculed by her supposed class mates by calling her a — wait for it — black person, who’s then so insulted she can barely live.
My Little Pony turns into full on rave by adding some basslines over the top of some edited footage. It’s elevated the show from a kid’s cartoon to a sonic brain fuck.
They’re the sort of visuals you could totally vibe out on at 4am when you’ve lost all your friends but the DJs playing such a murderously beautiful tune you think you’ve found the meaning of quantum religion in the bright tones of a children’s programme.
It doesn’t get better than four Finnish guys crammed into a rusty hunk of a car covering Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” on a series of brass instruments.
The only way it could get more epic is if Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar climbed out of the bonnet for a rousing, celebratory finale. Schwing.
Monty Buggershop-Hooty, author of Cooking With A Top Hat and Wilderness Ponce, takes to the mean greenery of the British woodland to uncover the many wonders that lie there.
Like, for instance, the poo snake, that rare creature who slithers about the forests leaving trails of fecal matter. Delightful.
I love Ben Drew, he looks like he’s an East End heavy who you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley, and then he sings with the voice of an angel. It’s a paradox in motion.
Also the music sounds like it is being performed in your left ear, then the right, then in front & behind you, it’s all over the place with this new Beats Audio technology. Amazing. What next, let me guess, a cat playing a piano….*Wait!?
It’s tough being a gleaming beacon of excellence when you’re surrounded by shoddy halfwits who couldn’t do their jobs if it was organising a piss-up in a Jack Daniels distillery.
And if your work colleagues are as dumb as you think, and they no doubt are, then you will cry hot tears of joy because you can show them this training video and tell them to watch it until their eyes bleed.
The drug-addicted, girlfriend-murdering front man from the Sex Pistols rises from the dead and auditions for that show fronted by the high-waisted king of bland.
If only something like this did happen on one of those insipid talentless-spotting shows, then we’d tune in each week. Next week, Captain Beefheart sqawks his way through “Neon Meate Dream of a Octafish”.
If you’re one of the many addicts who suffers from the ‘Blackberry Thumb’, or a cat on the next stage of it’s supreme evolution (and just waiting to develop opposable thumbs) then this gadget’s at the top of your ‘Must-Have’ list.
It has more tricks up it’s sleeve than a crooked politician and aside from doing all the stuff (and more, thank you Flash) that an iPad can perform, it comes with a demonstrator who will break his own fingers just to show you how much he believes in it. Ouch.
When you’re fighting a crazy autocratic freak with a face that looks like it’s trying to escape from itself, then you have to make do with what you can to remove him from power.
And because the Libyan rebels have been hit by arms shortages, and NATO aren’t willing to properly stick the boot in, they make do with the best of what they have: forging their own weapons from scraps.
Some people jump from atop buildings with parachutes strapped to their backs, some leap out of moving planes, some jump from bridges with rope attached to their feet. Jeremy Clarkson rolls Reliant Robins. Because that’s how he — ahem — rolls.
The only thing keeping him upright is the kindness of celebrities, which is what you need in a sticky situation. It’s what everyone needs when they fall over, a bunch of low-rent slebs to come along and put you upright.
This guy’s so good at impressions it’s like he has 40 different people living inside of him, all fighting for control of his personality. Just imagine if you could do all these different accents, you’d never be lonely again.
Every time you wanted to amuse yourself, even if you had no internet, you’d just make with the funny voices and lol at how brilliant you are.
