Finally we have some closure on the age old question of whether there is an invisible, omnipotent, all-seeing, all-knowing gas(?) up in the heavens. I mean, I was always unsure whether an utterly implausible notion of constant doubt and excuse could exist, and if a book written hundreds of years ago still held as much sway now as it did then. Yeah, there was a niggling question there.
The answer, from all places, comes from a humble watermelon. We’ve had slogans on the side of buses telling us there’s no god, and an ancient man called Richard Dawkins writing books about the topic, but seeds in a fruit does it for me. Now we can all get back to our miserable, meaningless existences safe in the knowledge there is less meaning than anyone ever thought. Huzarr.
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Meet Mr A.B.Green aka HLS Master, (that’s High Level Swag for all you normals out there). He’s the man who puts the imp in pimp, he puts the ass in badass.
If you see him chatting to your girlfriend, don’t worry, because a man like this can only repel anyone (or thing) he meets. Even animals will sense that this guy is a super douche of extremely epic proportions and will attack his eyes with a vicious, callous venom, should he get within 2 foot of them.
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It’s a case of “Are you drinking piss, taking the piss, or getting pissed-(off)!?” – In case you weren’t aware, that beer you’re guzzling every chance you get–well, if it’s either Grolsch, Peroni or Miller–is doing damage to the world’s poor.
Another instance of the first world ripping off the third that basically amounts to the beer company SABMiller dodging taxes in India and African and depriving them of aid. So it’s time to get all hysterical and start screaming “Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children!!”.
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Nicholas Cage has never been a favourite actor of mine. Because, well, he can’t act. He cannot act. Not only is he thespianically challenged, but also intensely annoying. This, as you can imagine, is a film which attracts my interest.
A 4 minute trailer for a feature film with Cage losing his mind? I’d book in advance, front row seat and stock up on gargantuan amounts of popcorn. That’d serve him right for ruining The Wickerman. I’m not happy till I see him in a straight-jacket
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Acting clearly isn’t as easy as it looks. Especially when you have to portray about 10 different things all at once. And we’re not talking Gladiator or Indianna Jones, you’re looking at all that effort for a stupid advert.
In fact, I doubt any actor will have had to do so much in such a short period of time. Christian Bale lost his rag when some sound guy got in his way. Imagine him doing all this at the same time? Not a chance. Playing a half-man half-bat in underpants is a doddle compared to what poor old Justin has to do.
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The only positive, moving forward, that you can take from some cringe worthy corporate retreat is watching your boss get pummeled in the face with a paintball gun. Although extreme versions like this, lost at 14,000 ft in the Andes mountains, could have their ‘positives’.
Just make sure your boss and douchebaggery colleagues retreat all the way into the vast, wild jungle while you get some bonding sessions with that leggy blonde from accounts.
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It really looks like standards have been slipping on this hit cooking program recently. That’s right it looks like it has come down to a fatty, a baldy and a hairy. Lets see what they have created for the judges to eat?
Still the proof is in the pudding and you should never judge a book by it’s cover – I’m sure these freaks of fine cusine have something ’special’ on offer to tease our tastebuds?
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Hitler is referenced so much they really should start using this scale in politics. Early adopters could possibly be Glenn Beck as everything on that show is already compared to the Nazi’s anyhow.
I wonder, how many megaHitlers would Universal healthcare be?
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I feel so sorry for this man. He’s such a nice chap, and he’s probably a good vet. He means well, so well, and yet he always get it wrong. There’s a famous scene where he kills a man’s prize fish. And another where he puts down the wrong Border Collie.
Then again, I think this woman deserves it. Feeding her little pooch all that rich food…just ain’t right. And that house – she’s one of those absurd posh women who have no grip on reality. Well, get a grip on singed canine hair and the smell of smouldering dog flesh. Breath it in. And never ring that Vet again.
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Ever wondered just how pure bottled water is? You know, those stunning ads of mountains & glaciers and all that “It’s SO good for you!” crap! Well, prepare to run to the nearest tap and down gallons of….tap water!
Derek (why would his parents name him that?) goes “Inside the Bottle” and exposes the billion dollar lie we’ve all been made to swallow. It’s enough to make you turn to drinking beer….*Wait!
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Stewart Lee has to be one of the world’s best stand-ups. He doesn’t just rely on observational crap like Michael Chub-faced McIntyre et al. He’s witty, persceptive and clever.
Here he architects a fantastic joke about the light fingered Joe Pasquale. In fact, it’s obviously the end of his set, but he manages to get numerous gags out. And he’s right, if Joe Pasquale was in your garden, you wouldn’t ask him to leave – the joe doesn’t work for him. So Pasquale gets outed on many levels. Poor to thieve in the first place, worse to not be able to execute it. I bet he winced when he watched this, whilst 300 and odd thousand others laugh.
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I have always disliked Nicholas Cage. Always. It’s the way he delivers his lines, how he plays the same character in every film he does and his face is just so…punchable. And now, we have this footage to prove he’s a money grabbing bastard as well.
There is nothing this man won’t do. Not content with ruining the old classic Wickerman, Cage is hellbent on doing any naff film idea under the sun. Whether it destroys the reputation of his career, or tarnishes the image of the film itself, as long as the money keeps coming – who cares? Long live crappy Nick Cage.
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You have to admire this players…chest control (ahem). I’ve always said there should be more women in football. It’s only fair, isn’t it? I mean, they’re no inferior to us, are they?
Ok, it might have something to do with what happens in this video, but still – equality has never looked so good. Attractive women of the world: take your exams, don the shirt and start pulling out the yellows and reds. Oh, and remember: no sports bras allowed.
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This is disturbing for many reasons. So many reasons. Firstly, there is no evidence whether this is a man or a woman. None whatsoever. Also, he/she is singing a Katy Perry song, and he/she looks strangely like a very, very fat Russel Brand.
Picture the scene – Russel starts using heroin again. Katy leaves him. He’s desperate, inconsolable. With no one to turn to, he begins eating, a lot. Then – in an attempt to win back the absent popstar, he makes this video and puts it onto the internet. Think of it as a modern day love letter. A viral piece of chivalry. I doubt it would work. So let us just point and laugh.
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