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Making it in the music biz is fraught with ups and downs, it’s the kind of career that you’ll need skin as thick as Cee-Lo’s waist band to survive. But if you do decide to head down this treacherous path, then hope that your rise to meteoric super stardom is swift and successful.
Like these rising stars Oh Land, Mads Langer and Loick Essien. They’re living the goddamn dream and maybe you can too, remix a Bob Dylan or Ting Tings track and win a bunch of stuff.
I’m sure Lexi will be, what’s the word: charmed? No, harrowed, about this delightful video message that might as well be a sign saying “I will stalk you until they break my door down and drag me away in a straight jacket”.
This guy is either going to end up a serial killer or a computer programmer or a serial killing computer programmer.
This year Wimbledon 2011 is going to be a little bit special, For the first time in 125 years the greatest tennis action from the Championships will be aired live – in 3D – at cinemas all across the globe. Never before has it been possible to have such an immersive tennis experience.
It will add a whole new dimension to the championships – as well as catching even more of the exciting action, you will be ducking to avoid the balls as they emerge from the screen. See where your nearest cinema to catch the action is at sony.wimbledon.com
Hot Spanish chicks on long boards head up into the mountains of Madrid, then bust it down with the skill and abandon of continental ninjas. This is what all long board teams should consist of, not hairy blonde dudes with tattoos.
Something like this could make a man leave his computer screen and open his front door and consider doing some physical activity. Just think of the post-riding communal bath.
Rihanna and The Lonely Island? Hell yeah. Something like this is just too awesome, it’s surprising the world hasn’t fallen of its axis and given up. Stating that we’ve hit our awesome quota for humanity and there’s nowhere else to go.
The only way it could be improved is if Rihanna got naked and rode off on a half-narwhal, half-unicorn beast and flew off between a triple rainbow into the universe to reveal she was the energy uniting the cosmos. Or something like that.
Daleks, more deadly than your mom & dad after you’ve thrown a party & trashed the house, the ultimate terror of the universe, but totally misunderstood!
Add to that they are crap at hitting on Doctor Who’s cute assistant, Rose Tyler. If you think about it they’re not a lot different than the average teenager. A total and complete pain in the ass!
It’s nearly summer time, which means heading to foreign soil to sit half naked on a crowded bit of land where dirt meets water, to spend your evenings looking like Dr. Zoidberg while drinking copious amounts of cheap local booze and copping off with strangers.
Or alternatively if you’re feeling the pinch, pretend you did all that instead—send one of these pretend postcards and act like you spent 2 weeks in Vegas surrounded by hot babes.
Here’s Scarlett Johansson being super cute, there’s not much more going on. There’s no funny cat that’s going to come in and lazer her down with unicorn power, there’s no Charlie Sheen riding a rainbow to battle the Nordic warlocks who have samurai swords for teeth.
It’s simple, it’s Ms Johansson being all a bit Marilyn Monroe on a photo shoot for Cosmopolitan Magazine in 2004, by Cliff Watts. Cutie than a thousand lolcats cuddle-hugging a thousand baby pandas, while some puppies lick them.
Bloody women, sort yourself out! They go around, aching of stomach and with headaches moaning about how much pain they’re in. Pah! It’s pathetic, if only they knew the suffering that a man has to go through every time he gets a common cold. Now there’s pain.
They don’t even know they’re born, whereas men, they’re just bloody amazing, aren’t they? Valiant soldiers the lot of ‘em.
So, there’s some kind of royal get together happening where the UK spends shit loads of money on paying a really posh guy to marry some semi-posh-ish punani he met at university. It’s like a fairy tale come true, if fairy tales were all about posh shits getting a free wedding from the plebs. Which I suppose they are.
Anyway, much more exciting than some boring upper class shit-fest is this film. Carved from a ball of cheddar with dead trees playing the parts of Will.i.Ain’t and Kate Middle-Class-Ton, it looks like it’s the greatest film since…that TV movie about a mother overcoming her alcoholism to become a crack addict.
If there’s one question that’s balancing in restless anticipation on the very tip of everyone’s tongues it’s: What next for reality TV? Well, you’ll be glad to know it involves killer dolphins, bimbos, drag queens, space, love, hate, weight loss, and a bunch of other crazy stuff that will blow your skull wide open. The only thing missing is celebrity zombies and Simon Cowell being sexually ravaged by horny cetaceans.
So you’ve been out on a date, you both got on really well. She likes getting drunk and eating food at restaurants and, weirdly, so do you! You must be the only two people in the world who do. So it must be special, plus she likes the Godfather Part 3 and you do too. Just like that couple on the adverts.
You leave the restaurant, you walk her home, she invites you up for a coffee and…you refuse. WTF!? If you refuse then you deserve to get what this guy gets. Waiting’s for losers and people born in the 1950s.
So Mr Fry goes off to Harvard University and is awarded the 2011 Lifetime Achievement Award from the Humanist Chaplaincy. But it being Stephen “Stud Muffin” Fry, a young woman can’t help but throw herself at him figuratively in song.
And her banjo serenade means offering her womb to him so she can have lots of little Frys running around, buying Apple products and generally being posh and clever. She’s totally hot for Steve and she’s not afraid of announcing it. In song. To a room full of strangers.
Now this looks like an Oscar winning movie, with no doubt some superb performances from some of the finest young actors and actresses from merry olde England.
And if nothing else, the film should win some sort of accolade, maybe a Nobel prize or Pulitzer, for the title. It’s not just naked women and money shots that the porn industry gifts us all with, but also some incredible puns. Lest we forget.
