Forget playing Pokémon on the computer, that is so passe. It’s all about using real animals, so go out and find yourself a blue whale, no bitching about them being hard to find due to extinction, just find one!
Or failing that, maybe just use your pet dog instead. Then go out there and dog butt your enemy’s face. It will open up a whole new world. For the dog anyway.
They were always onto a winner with this show. Take some cute wild animals going about whatever it is wild animals do, usually eating or moving their mouths just waiting for the BBC to come along and dub some silly voices over the top.
Hey presto you have a Saturday early evening filler and the only real cost is that Twitter-pervert Jason Manford and his Charlie Big Spuds paycheck. Oh, and remember to get shots of meerkats, standing. People go absolutely screaming nutzoid, lol-their-own-face-off for a standing, talking meerkat.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if you knew exactly what your pets were thinking. If they could express their thoughts in logical sentences. Dog’s really would become a man’s best friend, as you could agree on stuff and discuss house matters.
Either that or it would just descend into a chaotic din. Your parakeet screeching complaints in the corner whilst the cat slags you off from behind as the goldfish sings hymns. Thinking about it, just watch this video. And be content with that. Animals are almost certainly better seen and not…spoken to.
Remember that scene in the movie Deliverance? Nah, not that one with the Dueling Banjos, but the other one, in the woods with the rednecks, and that fat guy who looks like a pig.
Yeah, exactly, harrowing wasn’t it. Well, now the tables have been turned as a redneck gets a taste of what it feels like to be Andy Dufresne?
Sharing a cell with a hairy man-ape whose sexual tastes are unknown is a situation you should try and avoid. Where’s Morgan Freeman when you need him…”Squeal like a piggy boy!!!”
