As a general rule the Scottish aren’t all that fond of the English. If you can get one of them to speak to you though, this is the sort of thing you’re likely to hear.
Putting a lock on your bedroom door is probably a good idea too, unless you want anti-English subliminals.
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Matt’s a happy to help kind of guy, you know the sort who likes to offer a hand when he sees a woman carrying a heavy load or a tray with lots of drinks.
Thing is though, like most guys Matt’s got an ulterior motive. He’s happy to help, but just don’t mention the boyfriend. K?
The smarmy pan-faced comedian gives a masterclass in how to completely destroy hecklers, punishing them for their drunken audacity.
Would-be hecklers be warned, if you go to a Jimmy Carr concert and feel the urge to heckle, just remember this video and maybe you’ll think twice.
This guy surely hasn’t watched any live stand-up, otherwise why would you fall asleep in the middle of a comedian’s show? It’s only going to end with you getting ridiculed in front of the whole audience.
But not sure if it’s worse being asleep or awake. If you’re awake you can try to defend yourself, but then you suffer the humiliation of a public pwning. At least asleep what you don’t know can’t hurt you.
Bloody women, sort yourself out! They go around, aching of stomach and with headaches moaning about how much pain they’re in. Pah! It’s pathetic, if only they knew the suffering that a man has to go through every time he gets a common cold. Now there’s pain.
They don’t even know they’re born, whereas men, they’re just bloody amazing, aren’t they? Valiant soldiers the lot of ‘em.
