The London mayoral election is a hotly contested race between the incumbent Boris and the red-challenger Ken and some other people that no one really knows.
So, to show all that riff-raff what a total spiffing commoner lies beneath that toffy exterior and how down with the proletariat-electorate his is Boris takes to the streets to say “What ho!”.
Wolves have been spotted roaming about London town, spooking the hell out of drunken people, mutilating people’s pets and generally being mysterious and wolf-like.
But just WTF has been going on? Where have these wild beasts come from and what do they want with us townies? The truth is out there. Sneaky buggers.
If these people hadn’t been filming themselves making a drunken racket when a wild animal appears, when they tried to recount this story the morning after no one would’ve believed them.
But the evidence is there in this footage: a wolf roaming the streets of London. Foxes beware, you may have some competition……’BENTOOOOOON!?!’
The Olympics is coming to London. Hoorah! It’s going to be so full of superhumans breaking insane records and showing Olympian power that you’re going to be knackered just watching them.
And if you needed proof of how awesome these elite athletes are, here’s long jump champ J.J. Jeged leaping over not one, but three MINIs (red, white & blue…nice touch) like it ain’t no thang. Never saw Evel Knieval do that, did you? If this becomes an official event at the 2012 Olympics in London then the UK might just be in with a chance of winning a gold. Sweet.
South London is a war-torn urban morass full of crime, hate, and squalor. It’s mostly been abandoned by humankind except for a few feral beings who roam the vast wastelands of Croydon, looking for an angry fix.
But, helping to keep a semblance of civilisation in this post-apocalyptic theme park is Duncan and McCoy, two of the finest, bravest and honest police officers on the beat. They’re helping to make neighbourhoods neighbourly again.
I don’t know what to think of this particular story. At all.
Did he find it? Was it a policeman? Or maybe an unfortunate customs officer plucked it from his bowels during a rigorous border search.
Either way, maybe it’s better to stick to other parts of London where good old-fashioned gun crime reigns supreme.
