I have always disliked Nicholas Cage. Always. It’s the way he delivers his lines, how he plays the same character in every film he does and his face is just so…punchable. And now, we have this footage to prove he’s a money grabbing bastard as well.
There is nothing this man won’t do. Not content with ruining the old classic Wickerman, Cage is hellbent on doing any naff film idea under the sun. Whether it destroys the reputation of his career, or tarnishes the image of the film itself, as long as the money keeps coming – who cares? Long live crappy Nick Cage.
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You have to admire this players…chest control (ahem). I’ve always said there should be more women in football. It’s only fair, isn’t it? I mean, they’re no inferior to us, are they?
Ok, it might have something to do with what happens in this video, but still – equality has never looked so good. Attractive women of the world: take your exams, don the shirt and start pulling out the yellows and reds. Oh, and remember: no sports bras allowed.
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Wow. Someone got out of the wrong side of bed this morning. Maybe she’s annoyed because Konnie Huq got the X-Factor gig ahead of her. Maybe it’s that special time of the month when women are allowed to be complete arses. Who knows.
She certainly knows how to control a crowd of disillusioned friends and relatives though. She really is just that keen to read out the result. Although, it’s probably more likely she doesn’t give a fuck and just wants to get home. Reality TV fans: make sure you check who the presenter is before you book tickets to go and watch.
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The man has a point. Sports guys are always the most macho (aka homophobic) but it’s them that spend so much time in the company of bare male flesh. And how about all the ridiculous connotations linked to being gay. It’s all a bit medieval isn’t it?
Besides, he’s right. It doesn’t get more macho than shagging another man. To really prove you’re masculine and comfortable with your sexuality, you need to get with another bloke. Do it. Get bumming, or be forced to accept your homosexuality.
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This is disturbing for many reasons. So many reasons. Firstly, there is no evidence whether this is a man or a woman. None whatsoever. Also, he/she is singing a Katy Perry song, and he/she looks strangely like a very, very fat Russel Brand.
Picture the scene – Russel starts using heroin again. Katy leaves him. He’s desperate, inconsolable. With no one to turn to, he begins eating, a lot. Then – in an attempt to win back the absent popstar, he makes this video and puts it onto the internet. Think of it as a modern day love letter. A viral piece of chivalry. I doubt it would work. So let us just point and laugh.
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I could do that. Easy. Well, when I say I could do that, I actually I mean I absolutely cannot do that and could never do it in a million years even if I spent day and night practicing every little aspect of it in the hope of performing what we witness in the video.
It’s mind boggling. Also, when you see break dancers, they usually wear a little hat to protect their head when they do the spin thing. This guy doesn’t need one. Jeez, the muscles in his neck must be stronger than all the strength in my body put together. Well…I bet he can’t roll his tongue. I can.
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School field trips are always debatable days of boredom, kids being sick on the coach and arguments. No one wants to be there, not the kids, the teachers, or the people involved at whereever you’ve decided to visit. Indeed, school trips should be crap. But never racist.
The story this fella tells is hilarious. Yeah it harks to the dark days of slavery and the old stereotypes of ‘cotton pickers’, but if you can recount the tale in this way, it’s pure stand up material. OK, I know, he’s sitting down. But Chris Rock, eat your heart out – this guy knows how to tell a story.
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So this is why China produces better, miniaturized versions of the things we make. It’s because they’re smaller. Makes sense really. Smaller people make smaller, more efficient things. Simple.
I wish I could own an army of those guys to improve all aspects of my tech life. Or maybe just to clean my house for me. Surely Samsung can’t be the only ones to benefit. Forget cuts to spending and benefits, the government should introduce a team of mini workers to each household in Britain. We’d have more time to work and spend money, thus boosting the economy. Sounds viable to me.
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