If your one of those people who can’t stand Modern Art, then you might be interested in this 5 minute mini-course.

In it artist Robert Florczak for virtual college Prager University looks over Modern Art and ponders where the standards of beauty from the last two millennia have gone.

A lot of celebrities on Twitter just tweet absolute crap that you really don’t want to read, but not Danny Dyer. Mr Dyer manages to distill his no-nonsense cock-a-ney personality—which generally amounts to comedic gold—into every tweet he makes.

From arrogant ducks being pricks to getting pissed “with the old man”, try reading these social media gems without hearing his voice in your head. You faaaking mug.

Always thinking of his followers, Dyer shares how to get out of your tree for only the ticket price of following him.

And like any dealer, he teases us with more freebies of the good shit.

Caring individual that he is, Danny doesn’t mind doing his bit for animal cruelty.

If you’re a duck, don’t stand Danny boy up and expect to not get dissed on Twitter about it.

Thankfully they did show, but they brought their arrogance with them too. Big mistake.

Not even ‘ardman Danny Dyer can defeat those grammar Nazis.

Alright he might throw about a lot of blue language, but fuck me he can be sophisticated too.

Bollocks to those self-help books, Danny Dyer’s all you need.

He can do philosophy too.

Chameleon that he is, another string to his bow is weather reporting.

When it comes to end-of-year wisdom, Danny’s your man.

He also enjoys nothing more than sinking a few bevvies with the old man. Proper.

But if you’re a Furby, you better watch yourself.

And as for the early bird, well, he can fuck right off.

Politicians don’t fare too well either.

But he’s got a soft spot for kids’ animations, especially ones featuring little rats.

Always ready to absorb new knowledge he learnt a new fucking word on Countdown didn’t he, you muppet.

Polymath that he is, he turns his hand to music reviews.

And again.

When it comes to commemorating world events, this geezer’s on point.

And yeah, just because he always sounds like he’s fucked on coke doesn’t mean he is, right?

And as for that Jeremy Kyle…

No one does self promotion quite The Dyer.

He’s a bit of a gourmet too.

Sexual fantasies? Not on Danny’s watch.

Maybe some carefully placed baubles could help him with this one?

Danny, you’re a fucking social media fucking star.

What can one do when one is surrounded by peasants, especially peasants who try to poke one’s wife through the open window of one’s Rolls-Royce. Bloody rotten ruffians, what?!

They should be hunted down like small woodland creatures and rounded up and put in a jolly big arena, stripped of their clothes and covered with jam while we set some flesh-eating safari ants on them. Tally ho!

Hitler is referenced so much they really should start using this scale in politics. Early adopters could possibly be Glenn Beck as everything on that show is already compared to the Nazi’s anyhow.

I wonder, how many megaHitlers would Universal healthcare be?

Most freaks who love Star Wars have greasy hair, smell of basement mould, are as annoying as Jar-Jar Binks on helium, and have faces that look like Yoda’s nutsack.

You won’t get them doing exercise, but if somehow you tied it into their favourite film series. Hmm…

Just like there is no need to hide the fact that you are gay, who needs to be modest about playing some of the biggest roles in film history? By their very nature, actors should be confident and flamboyant.

Wear your t-shirt with pride, Sir Ian. March for your right to be in huge blockbusters. Never surrender your opinions.

Now where do we start with this? There’s a lot wong here. Firstly, the words ’sexual’ and ‘harassment’ should not be uttered in the same sentence when marketing a sex toy. Surely that’s not conducive to sexual fun. And Cornbrator? What’s sensual about a corn on the cob? Maybe smear a bit of butter on there while you’re at ‘it’.

As if all that wasn’t enough, the makers have gone all out at the end. Just in case you were in any doubt as to what you were getting yourself in for. ‘Hyper Wank Device’. Lovely.

They may look cute to the likes of you and me, but it’s all about the presentation and the subtle enforcement of perception – get that wrong and you have FAIL! on your hands!

Self-shooting in the bedroom is always fraught with difficulties, next time you are looking for the right angle to convey your hawtness i’d suggest you check there isn’t a mirror in the background giving it all away…