Forget about the News of the World scandal, these people are the real bad guys of the world: Serco Group. Such are their nefarious activities that they even have a handle on time, controlling the very fabric that moves the universe onwards.

They must be stopped, and the only way to fight some bad guys of their magnitude is to rally round and get together a ragtag band of action heroes from down the ages. Send in John McClane, Ellen Ripley, Arnie, Chuck Norris’s evil eyes and mid-1990s Steven Segal.