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Forget playing Pokémon on the computer, that is so passe. It’s all about using real animals, so go out and find yourself a blue whale, no bitching about them being hard to find due to extinction, just find one!
Or failing that, maybe just use your pet dog instead. Then go out there and dog butt your enemy’s face. It will open up a whole new world. For the dog anyway.
What can one do when one is surrounded by peasants, especially peasants who try to poke one’s wife through the open window of one’s Rolls-Royce. Bloody rotten ruffians, what?!
They should be hunted down like small woodland creatures and rounded up and put in a jolly big arena, stripped of their clothes and covered with jam while we set some flesh-eating safari ants on them. Tally ho!
Next time you walk past a homeless guy and throw a penny at his mangy dog, remember that man could be the undiscovered voice (and face) of radio.
Take this bum for instance (question: why do homeless people always have to wear camouflage gear?), looking at him you’d think he was a talentless swine whose only redeeming feature was he could chew off a rat’s head when he got real hungry.
But no, he’s got a voice cut from the finest silk. No doubt the power of the internet will finance his own station, paid for with digitised hope.
Will you look at this, a video that combines two cool things — video games and street art. They’ve leapt on the zeitgeist, namely Banksy-style stencils and NES nostalgia, and swung it about their heads until it’s flown off into space.
But *serious face* there is something to be learned here. And that is, never stamp on a stranger’s painting or you will be crushed under fist of a giant animated pixel-stencil. Be warned.
Some of us have useless skills like, I dunno, the ability to operate on the human brain or investigate the cosmos using innovative technologies. And then some of us have useful, valuable skills.
You know the sort, like God had singled this person out for a purpose, to advance the human race for the benefit of generations to come. And this man is one of those people. Because he can fit twenty quarters in his belly button.
Problem?
It’s a subject often ignored, the elephant in the chat room, but now this brave and bold video is finally confronting the dreaded blight that is corrupting the nation and destroying families throughout the world.
Yes, it’s the evil that is social networking and how it’s tearing babies away from their mother’s teat and eradicating the very moral fibre that keeps society from eating each other’s faces off.
Social networking, Amazon, YouTube, FourSquare, all the usual suspects are here, relating the story of Jesus’s birth through the medium of intertubes.
I’ve always thought, if you were Joseph wouldn’t you be pissed at God for getting your wife pregnant. Yeah sure you’re the Almighty but that doesn’t mean you can go messing with someone’s wife. Omnipotent or not, you just don’t do that.
So, can you? Have you tried it? Go on, give it a go, it’s difficult, huh? Well not for these guys, they’re the masters of loling without upturning the sides of their mouths.
OK, so they look like a couple of stroke victims having a fit, but so what, that’s the price you sometimes have to pay when you’re this awesome. Now try watching this video and laughing without smiling.
