We’ve seen the Murdochs and their adopted ginger hair-being sat in front of the Select Committee and now we finally know the truth! Well, we know Rupert Murdoch is pretty old and frail.
But at least it resulted in the closure of the News of the World, that’s one achievement. Remember The News of the World? It was a red top newspaper that used to hack dead girl’s mobiles.
Making it in the music biz is fraught with ups and downs, it’s the kind of career that you’ll need skin as thick as Cee-Lo’s waist band to survive. But if you do decide to head down this treacherous path, then hope that your rise to meteoric super stardom is swift and successful.
Like these rising stars Oh Land, Mads Langer and Loick Essien. They’re living the goddamn dream and maybe you can too, remix a Bob Dylan or Ting Tings track and win a bunch of stuff.
Forget about the News of the World scandal, these people are the real bad guys of the world: Serco Group. Such are their nefarious activities that they even have a handle on time, controlling the very fabric that moves the universe onwards.
They must be stopped, and the only way to fight some bad guys of their magnitude is to rally round and get together a ragtag band of action heroes from down the ages. Send in John McClane, Ellen Ripley, Arnie, Chuck Norris’s evil eyes and mid-1990s Steven Segal.
For those times when Metallica are too bummed out with psychoanalytical blues to perform and rock the house down, they could always call upon the hairy wizardry of Bill Bailey.
OK, so it might feature a few more horns than their fans are used to, but so what. Enter Sandman? Enter Balding man.
When this rotten old life is getting you down and everything around you is crumbling away in the face of forces seemingly beyond your control, what do you do?
Do you just struggle onwards and hope that it’ll just improve or do you supp on a cup of brown joy, grin and kick life in the balls.
Man vs. nature, it’s one of the oldest battles we’ve ever fought. Since our distant DNA crawled from the sea in harsh, primordial conditions, we’re forever rallying against that which gave birth to us.
So, why not include Bear Grylls & make an RPG of it? Instead of getting lost in the woods and wrestling grizzlies while upper cutting alligators & drinking your own piss, you can do it all from the comfort of your own basement.
I’m sure Lexi will be, what’s the word: charmed? No, harrowed, about this delightful video message that might as well be a sign saying “I will stalk you until they break my door down and drag me away in a straight jacket”.
This guy is either going to end up a serial killer or a computer programmer or a serial killing computer programmer.
This strange man has somehow eaten the souls of Will Smith, DMX, Eddie Murphy and Chris Tucker and now, by some form of mysterious energy, he can speak in their voices.
He could make himself a lot of money, instead of spending the millions needed to hire those overpaid celebs, he can put himself up for hire for half the price.
