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Making it in the music biz is fraught with ups and downs, it’s the kind of career that you’ll need skin as thick as Cee-Lo’s waist band to survive. But if you do decide to head down this treacherous path, then hope that your rise to meteoric super stardom is swift and successful.
Like these rising stars Oh Land, Mads Langer and Loick Essien. They’re living the goddamn dream and maybe you can too, remix a Bob Dylan or Ting Tings track and win a bunch of stuff.
Look it’s that bloke off the telly, what’s his name, Terry Christian, but he’s let himself go. No, not Terry Christian that other one, Mark Lamarr, but he’s really fucking let himself go.
No, sorry, not Mark Lamarr that other guy, the singer. You know, that’s it, Edwyn Collins… but he’s let himself go. No, not that man, but a 1930s newspaper cartoon of tarzan’s face, which has? let itself go.
I? love Ben Drew, he looks like he’s an East? End heavy who you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley, and then he sings with the voice of an angel. It’s a paradox in motion.
Also the music sounds like it is being performed in your left ear, then the right, then in front & behind you, it’s all over the place with this new Beats Audio technology. Amazing. What next, let me guess, a cat playing a piano….*Wait!?
This guy’s so good at impressions it’s like he has 40 different people living inside of him, all fighting for control of his personality. Just imagine if you could do all these different accents, you’d never be lonely again.
Every time you wanted to amuse yourself, even if you had no internet, you’d just make with the funny voices and lol at how brilliant you are.
“What goes on in this town is none of your busnee – ” “As long as I’m living here it is” “Well then maybe you shouldn’t be living HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!” Bron-holm, the man, the legend, shows why he’s the most sought after actor of his generation.
Forget Olivier, forget Burton, forget Gielgud, Bro-ho hit the heights of the finest acting the world will ever see in this scene from the great movie Taffin. All other actors may as well hang up their coats and go home, because they’ll never reach the zenith of his brilliance. Never!
Each week the Apprentice contestants, a bunch of shuffling, preening, f-tards slither into Sith Lord Sugar’s mock-office to bitch and whine and back stab about who was the most incompetent mongoloid in the show that week.
But those cunning TV execs knew we’d all hate the ego-crazed contestants and we’d get off on remarking on how stupid they are, even if we thought we watched it through the mocking veil of irony. Those evil bastards.
When meeting the Queen of England, it’s important to cock your leg out in the manner befitting a 12th century nobleman and then shuffle it about in a manner befitting a 21st raver. It’s just common decency and if you don’t do it, one may lose their head.
So if you ever find yourself before Her Majesty for any reason other than treason, then make sure you do the leg cock as an indication that the Shuffle of Honour is about to go down.
Dan Bull, poet laureate of the interwebs gives his rap verdict on all those super injunctions that everyone’s getting all upset about and that. Haven’t we got bigger things to worry about than rich people cheating on their spouses?
Like, what to have for dinner? Or maybe not, maybe censorship is wrong in all its many forms, plus there’s nothing better than reading some salacious gossip over your Sunday breakfast of fried lolz.
