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Just because a lady likes her cat, doesn’t mean she’s crazy cat lady. But cats can be jealous creatures, fuelled by envy that someone is taking the attention away from them and their cute little existence.
So what do they do? Well they act is what they do. They act to stop that interloper coming into their cosy life and pushing them out of the picture. And this here is the evidence. Those conniving little shits.
The nation’s sweetheart and first Geordie to ever leave Newcastle, she’s now so famous you can’t get out of bed without bumping into one of her many clones that roam the British countryside looking for an angry fix.
So what better tribute to such a shining example of towering intelligence and workhouse ethics than this 47 second clip. She shoots, she scores, she gets cheated on by a hairdresser.
If you saw Gaddafi frothing at the mouth amongst the ruins of Tripoli waving his green book about like a mad gorilla made of plastic, then you may have thought, “What on God’s earth?”.
It’s the sort of insane behaviour that is crying out for someone like Charlie Brooker to chew over with his scathing wit. And, thankfully, he did.
Even in the Galactic Empire’s tool of planetary destruction, the Death Star, they’ve got to eat. Darth may sound like he could inhale soup but he needs his nourishment, what with all the choking and throwing.
And where do they go? Why the Death Star canteen, of course. And it’s just like any other canteen; noisy, busy, with slops being served up by people who haven’t got a clue. Eddie Izzard knows all about it.
This is a cheery cock-er-nay! number, so gather together the ‘ole faaaaamlee, get ‘em daaan the apples and pears for a roight ‘ole knees-up round the piano.
Because Marky Mark from ‘tenders hasn’t got AIDS, eeees HIV postive. You dig? He’s got the virus, but he ain’t got the disease. A-one, a-two, all-together….!
The queen of Radio 4 turns into an alien queen, of sorts, by birthing a blood-coated fleshy monster live on national TV, while Sigourney Weaver looks on with affection. And it’s a pretty impressive feat.
But then, that’s what years of working on the “sound of middle England” does for you. It’s a great training ground for all sorts of alien breeding. And to find out about cheese-making in Berwick-upon-Tweed.
The abominations perpetrated against the Queen’s English are manifold. Remember it’s pavement, not sidewalk. It’s crisps not chips. It’s rubbish not garbage. It’s football not soccer. It’s yo mum is a hyena, not yo mom.
But let’s not fight about it, instead let Baba Brinkman and Professor Elemental fight it out amongst themselves. In a rap battle.
Nothing smashes it like Ugandan action movies. So thank your lucky action stars because you are about to witness the kung-fu, motorbike gun fight awesomeness of RAmon film production’s latest masterpiece.
The only thing that could make this more bad to the ass is Chuck Norris making a guest appearance as an African dictator who’s 50ft tall and has bazookas for arms.
