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I know they’ve been around for a while, but this may be the oddest group in the world. Terrible rapping, awful tattoos, and even worse lyrics.
“All up in the interweb”? Really? Well, sir, I would but the argument forward that you still ARE a loser and a psycho.
I’m pretty sure ‘I be a lump on you’ has never, ever been a lyric in a song in the history of all time. Unless someone had released an album about cancer. And that’s doubtful. Or maybe the NHS would consider funding it.
‘Asbestos’. Now there’s another word you wouldn’t usually find in songs. Loads of it in your roof cavity – but it’s not going to fall out of Robbie Williams’ or Shakira’s mouth. Unless they were very ill.
They say the Mother’s bond with her baby is sacred. Well, not if you have an ace Dad like this. “Oh, hey Junior, what was your earliest memory?” “Me, my brother and my Dad dancing like twats”. Look at them – their brains are synced effortlessly.
I bet Michael Jackson couldnt dance before he could walk. Well, these fellas can. Ring up Simon Cowell, get on the blower to Britain’s Got Talent and sign them up. It’s the new version of John and Edward. The talented version.
Eminem’s lost his way a bit hasn’t he? That whole sleeping pill addiction must have really hit his career hard. When he was away, not making albums, I assumed he was recovering to come back stronger than ever.
Alas not, he appears in his latest music video to be a shadow of his former self. He’s so intoxicated, in fact, his accent is slurred beyond recognition. The music’s suffering as well. Poor Slim Shady. Get well soon.
We have a snapshot of the future here. First, humans will become obsolete in the workplace as robots materialize as a far cheaper, more efficient option. Machines don’t need a fag break or have to go on facebook. They don’t bicker and whine. It just makes sense.
Then, creative things will be taken over. You won’t get writers or musicians or poets – lyrics and prose will be created from a meticulous word generating machine and pumped methodically from speakers. So. You better get used to this. Listen up and enjoy, cos the Bowies and the Pete Dohertys of this world are to destined to be replaced by nuts and bolts.
Ok, so the new Star Wars films were no where near as good as the original ones. I know that, you know that, and George Lucas – if you gave him a few glasses of wine – would admit that as well. Despite them not being as legendary, there’s something all Star Wars films have in common. There are a lot of characters, and they can get fairly complicated what with all those planet names and politics.
This is a novel way to keep things informative, fun, and fresh. By integrating a choral Queen classic with the well-known franchise you have a decidedly high-pitched re-cap of the recent films. And what’s more, you can listen to this, and get straight to watching episodes 4-6 and enjoy some real quality films.
Unless you hadn’t heard – that age old classic Tron is being remade and released by the end of the year.
It’s probably the coolest, most neon laced fun you can have at the cinema and if that wasn’t enough, Daft Punk are doing the soundtrack this time round.
So, why not indulge in an alternative musical re-hash to get your lips smacking.
Jay-Z’s life problems probably relate to his record label, or if the next festival he’s playing at will provide the correct towels for his dressing room. Any number of hurdles can ruin his day, apart from of course ‘a bitch’.
But never did he think that his own issues could link to the intergalactic heights of Star Trek.
Helmsman Geordi La Forge, however, can clearly take something from the rapper’s poignant words. With his own inimitable tweak. What next….Star Wars!?!
