You are currently browsing the archives for the Videos category.
Could a pair of jeans beat you in an arm wrestle. Probably. Could a ginger kid on a scooter get more chicks than you? Definitely! Here’s a pair of jeans built using space technology are put to the test by a guy flying around on a scooter like a ninja who’s tired of walking places.
The jeans survive, proving they’re stronger than Superman’s bogeys and could definitely have your dad in a fight. And remember, chicks dig heros!
The Royal twat-fest will soon be upon us and they’ll be Union Jack bunting draping off people’s arse cracks as they sing and dance and make merry like the good loyal subjects they are.
But, unlike days of yore when the royal bride was a virgin, Kate’s had suitors in the past and they must surely be lamenting how they could’ve taken her hand instead of that posh horse-faced bald gimp.
Here’s Scarlett Johansson being super cute, there’s not much more going on. There’s no funny cat that’s going to come in and lazer her down with unicorn power, there’s no Charlie Sheen riding a rainbow to battle the Nordic warlocks who have samurai swords for teeth.
It’s simple, it’s Ms Johansson being all a bit Marilyn Monroe on a photo shoot for Cosmopolitan Magazine in 2004, by Cliff Watts. Cutie than a thousand lolcats cuddle-hugging a thousand baby pandas, while some puppies lick them.
Bloody women, sort yourself out! They go around, aching of stomach and with headaches moaning about how much pain they’re in. Pah! It’s pathetic, if only they knew the suffering that a man has to go through every time he gets a common cold. Now there’s pain.
They don’t even know they’re born, whereas men, they’re just bloody amazing, aren’t they? Valiant soldiers the lot of ‘em.
That’s the trouble with ninjas, they could be hiding in your room right now secretly watching you like the covert masters of stealth that they are. You may’ve had a ninja stalking you your entire life, but don’t try to take them down, it’ll only make them madder.
The best way to deal with them is to let them be–and always, always let them have your gold. Especially Lego ninjas.
So, there’s some kind of royal get together happening where the UK spends shit loads of money on paying a really posh guy to marry some semi-posh-ish punani he met at university. It’s like a fairy tale come true, if fairy tales were all about posh shits getting a free wedding from the plebs. Which I suppose they are.
Anyway, much more exciting than some boring upper class shit-fest is this film. Carved from a ball of cheddar with dead trees playing the parts of Will.i.Ain’t and Kate Middle-Class-Ton, it looks like it’s the greatest film since…that TV movie about a mother overcoming her alcoholism to become a crack addict.
Aww, look at this cute little girl at Disneyland getting to join the Jedi Academy. It must be every child’s dream to join the order of warrior monks who serve as peace keepers throughout the galaxy, the holders of the mysterious energy known as the Force.
Or, fuck that, maybe she wants to destroy those crusty robed douchebags, she knows the real fun is to be had on the Darkside. The devil has the best tunes after all.
The awesome is strong in this one.
Dwarf Vader likes nothing more than hanging out with his mate Lee the dwarf Storm Trooper. Shooting the breeze, going down the boozer, maybe sneaking out for a quick spliff.
But that’s the life of a former Jedi knight who’s turned to the darkside only to have his legs lightsabered off at the knees and now finds himself half the height he was.
