Finally we have some closure on the age old question of whether there is an invisible, omnipotent, all-seeing, all-knowing gas(?) up in the heavens. I mean, I was always unsure whether an utterly implausible notion of constant doubt and excuse could exist, and if a book written hundreds of years ago still held as much sway now as it did then. Yeah, there was a niggling question there.

The answer, from all places, comes from a humble watermelon. We’ve had slogans on the side of buses telling us there’s no god, and an ancient man called Richard Dawkins writing books about the topic, but seeds in a fruit does it for me. Now we can all get back to our miserable, meaningless existences safe in the knowledge there is less meaning than anyone ever thought. Huzarr.