A long time ago, like in the 1980s or something, there was a trailer & it was used to advertise a film. This is the story of that trailer. Not really, this is a bunch of work shy film students trying to make a formulaic action trailer for the movie moguls of L.A.
Will they shake the very foundations of Hollywood? Or will they wish they hadn’t missed half their classes down the bar drinking cheap beer & discussing what you call a Whopper in Paris?
OK, so Easter might have passed but it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy some Cadbury’s Creme Eggs being dessicated, burnt, battered, boiled and generally mistreated. They deserve it, just think of all the pounds of weight they’ve added to your flabby body.
It’s basically a science lesson, but like all the best science lessons it involves fire and destroying things and all the fun stuff that outside of a laboratory you’d be told off for doing.
It’s nearly summer time, which means heading to foreign soil to sit half naked on a crowded bit of land where dirt meets water, to spend your evenings looking like Dr. Zoidberg while drinking copious amounts of cheap local booze and copping off with strangers.
Or alternatively if you’re feeling the pinch, pretend you did all that instead—send one of these pretend postcards and act like you spent 2 weeks in Vegas surrounded by hot babes.
The moral of this story is that if you’re in a remote Scottish village in a van full of armoury that you’re using to film a Liam Neeson movie then try and avoid running over villagers’ cats.
But if you must trample their pets to death under the wheels of your car, then drive off quickly to avoid any further deaths.
Could a pair of jeans beat you in an arm wrestle. Probably. Could a ginger kid on a scooter get more chicks than you? Definitely! Here’s a pair of jeans built using space technology are put to the test by a guy flying around on a scooter like a ninja who’s tired of walking places.
The jeans survive, proving they’re stronger than Superman’s bogeys and could definitely have your dad in a fight. And remember, chicks dig heros!
This crazy explorer left over from Britain’s colonial days when we’d bullwhip foreigners for their insolence and stride across strange lands to bring them the joys of scones, proper manners, and queuing, raps about the brown liquid that fuelled the empire: tea.
British people love a cup of tea, they love it more than their dear old mums, they love it so much while slaughtering savages in unholy lands they’d pause mid-battle to drain a brew.
The Royal twat-fest will soon be upon us and they’ll be Union Jack bunting draping off people’s arse cracks as they sing and dance and make merry like the good loyal subjects they are.
But, unlike days of yore when the royal bride was a virgin, Kate’s had suitors in the past and they must surely be lamenting how they could’ve taken her hand instead of that posh horse-faced bald gimp.
Here’s Scarlett Johansson being super cute, there’s not much more going on. There’s no funny cat that’s going to come in and lazer her down with unicorn power, there’s no Charlie Sheen riding a rainbow to battle the Nordic warlocks who have samurai swords for teeth.
It’s simple, it’s Ms Johansson being all a bit Marilyn Monroe on a photo shoot for Cosmopolitan Magazine in 2004, by Cliff Watts. Cutie than a thousand lolcats cuddle-hugging a thousand baby pandas, while some puppies lick them.
