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We’ve seen the Murdochs and their adopted ginger hair-being sat in front of the Select Committee and now we finally know the truth! Well, we know Rupert Murdoch is pretty old and frail.
But at least it resulted in the closure of the News of the World, that’s one achievement. Remember The News of the World? It was a red top newspaper that used to hack dead girl’s mobiles.
For those times when Metallica are too bummed out with psychoanalytical blues to perform and rock the house down, they could always call upon the hairy wizardry of Bill Bailey.
OK, so it might feature a few more horns than their fans are used to, but so what. Enter Sandman? Enter Balding man.
When this rotten old life is getting you down and everything around you is crumbling away in the face of forces seemingly beyond your control, what do you do?
Do you just struggle onwards and hope that it’ll just improve or do you supp on a cup of brown joy, grin and kick life in the balls.
Man vs. nature, it’s one of the oldest battles we’ve ever fought. Since our distant DNA crawled from the sea in harsh, primordial conditions, we’re forever rallying against that which gave birth to us.
So, why not include Bear Grylls & make an RPG of it? Instead of getting lost in the woods and wrestling grizzlies while upper cutting alligators & drinking your own piss, you can do it all from the comfort of your own basement.
I’m sure Lexi will be, what’s the word: charmed? No, harrowed, about this delightful video message that might as well be a sign saying “I will stalk you until they break my door down and drag me away in a straight jacket”.
This guy is either going to end up a serial killer or a computer programmer or a serial killing computer programmer.
This strange man has somehow eaten the souls of Will Smith, DMX, Eddie Murphy and Chris Tucker and now, by some form of mysterious energy, he can speak in their voices.
He could make himself a lot of money, instead of spending the millions needed to hire those overpaid celebs, he can put himself up for hire for half the price.
Are you fed up with the grinding monotony of your daily life? Then why not commit the perfect murder and bring a little Hitchcockian mystery into your mundane existence.
How? Well you just can just google it, there’s enough info on the web to train you to be a killer and commit the perfect crime. Just remember to delete your search history after.
The News of the World hacking story has exploded like a giant pus throbbing with liquid revulsion. And now, the most popular newspaper in the solar system has chomped off its own rotten tail, like some ravenous toxic ouroboros.
And so it ends, all those employees with homes to feed and mortgages to spend, now they’re going to have to sit at home — waiting — waiting to relaunch as the Sunday Sun.
