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What with all the Top Gear furore kicking off at the moment about stereotyping Mexicans, let’s take a timely look at Stewart Lee’s Top Gear-hating routine. Running way ahead of the band wagon he was hating on it long before it became about selling newspapers.
Why? Because it’s presented by a bunch of smug nob-jockeys in badly-fitting jeans, who are about as rebellious as smoked salmon canapes. Laugh. Out. Loud.
Dance can be such an expressive art form, allowing for the performer to dive into the depths of the human psyche and explore the emotions and feelings that make us who we are.
Just take this interpretation of the classic Marti Pellow heroin comedown song “Love Is All Around”. Truly, this is what separates man from the animals. The power to interpret Wet Wet Wet.
Everything is a remix; you, me, all those films you love. And especially Star Wars. Oh my. After watching this you’ll wonder if there was an original idea in the whole first (fourth, whatever) film.
Old Georgie Porgie was walking around in his long, dark emperor’s cloak rubbing his warm, fat Ewok paws together randomly pointing at various movies in his collection and growling excitedly at every one of them. Stealing that scene from there, this scene from that, lifting that character from this and on and on until he had his movie. Easy. And as for Kill Bill, it’s basically the movie equivalent of a mash-up.
Forget the alphabet song, it’s time for your favourite film characters to educate you on this standardised set of letters that go to make up the English language. From Arnie through to Zed’s dead baby.
You’re probably already pretty familiar with them, otherwise you won’t really be able to understand what this set of obscure symbols mean that go to make up a grammatical unit of language known as a sentence.
It can be so confusing distinguishing between UK, Great Britain, and England. So probably the best way to do this is by the yellowing of their teeth and how Dickensian their accents are. The teeth come in various shades of yellow.
Putrid yellow means their English and they’ll probably ask you for a penny farthing for supper with a cup of hot cholera, guvnor. Great British means their teeth will be the colour of warm piss with breath like cancer. If they’re from the UK their teeth are the colour of nicotine with hair like a cesspit. Or you could watch this video, which is probably more accurate.
Just because you’re bald and old, and your wife looks like a gremlin doesn’t mean you can’t bust some moves on the dance floor and show those young ‘uns how to have a good time.
This guy’s got all the moves; the spirit fingers, the twirling the missus, the rolling hands, the wave your arms over your head like a fairy with broken wings. Legend.
Well, it’s only taken four years for a metal version of this to come out. But, sometimes, it’s worth the wait. So grab your air guitar, turn the volume all the way up to eleven , kick over the air amp and let’s rawk!
This song needs to be added to the next edition of Guitar Hero so we can all enjoy some of this badassery. For those about to rock, we mosh you.
A truly momentous occasion that, really, warrants an international holiday. So we could all be at home getting handjobs; men and women, all creeds and colours, rich and poor, tall and short, ugly and beautiful, bespectacled and despectacled.
But, no. Ah well, at least you can have your own little celebration of Dr. Fred Gilgoff’s incredible invention. A man more important than Einstein, Newton, even Ronald McDonald.
