What is it? No one knows, it looks like something Mad Max built when he was messed up on crazy juice. Just what exactly is going on, no one can really be sure.
But at least the guy on the bike is wearing a gas mask, safety first and all that. Come the earth-scorching, blood-raining apocalypse these are going to be your go-to guys.
While most of us spent the holidays farting turkey, skulling port, and watching the grandparents dribble, this bright young man spent it doing something that will serve him well for the rest of his life.
Well, for however long this video’s popular for anyway. And what great feat did he undertake? Why nothing less than playing the Tetris theme on The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time?. Kudos to this young geek.
What would you do if you’re in a store and a robbery took place? Probably shit yourself and start blubbering for your life. Fortunately you don’t need to answer that question, instead answer this: Who would you want to be your vigilante saviour?
A nerd, a fat karate chump, or hot chick. Got to be the hot chick, no? Preferably in leather hot pants and not much else.
Forget playing Pokémon on the computer, that is so passe. It’s all about using real animals, so go out and find yourself a blue whale, no bitching about them being hard to find due to extinction, just find one!
Or failing that, maybe just use your pet dog instead. Then go out there and dog butt your enemy’s face. It will open up a whole new world. For the dog anyway.
If, like this young man, you’ve ever felt the burning desire to transform your mundane human form into the superheroic slendour of Ultra Seven (a Japanese superhero for those not in the know), then the Kinect is for you.
Don’t settle for some cheaply made costume with stomach pads from the local supermarket, instead use the virtual power of augmented reality and even execute his lazer-firing power. Hoooo!
What can one do when one is surrounded by peasants, especially peasants who try to poke one’s wife through the open window of one’s Rolls-Royce. Bloody rotten ruffians, what?!
They should be hunted down like small woodland creatures and rounded up and put in a jolly big arena, stripped of their clothes and covered with jam while we set some flesh-eating safari ants on them. Tally ho!
So, if you’ve been following the cricket, well, maybe you should get a life. Only kidding, if you’ve been following it you’ll have been witness to England kicking Australia’s convict-descended asses.
It’s like they weren’t even trying, like they knew from the start that England were going to wipe the floor with them, then wipe their butts with them too, just to add insult to injury. Now it’s time to celebrate, unless you’re Australian then maybe drink to forget.
Next time you walk past a homeless guy and throw a penny at his mangy dog, remember that man could be the undiscovered voice (and face) of radio.
Take this bum for instance (question: why do homeless people always have to wear camouflage gear?), looking at him you’d think he was a talentless swine whose only redeeming feature was he could chew off a rat’s head when he got real hungry.
But no, he’s got a voice cut from the finest silk. No doubt the power of the internet will finance his own station, paid for with digitised hope.
