It’s shocking in this world we live in, where you can’t even beat up an old lady in her home without submitting a health and safety application because you might hurt yourself breaking and entering and could sue the local council.
What has modern life come to? If you want to walk down the street, you can’t even kick an empty tin can without first making sure the can’s OK with you kicking it. So thank God for this rational conversation about the matter between these two great thinkers of our time.
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RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE! Queen’s greatest hit gets set to the visuals of the memetic internets. What it amounts to is nigh on perfection, featuring all your favs from around the tubes, like Forever Alone Guy, Aww Yea Guy, Poker Face — it’s like a high school reunion set to the tune of the 1970s.
For a song whose lyrics made no sense, now it all makes sense, it all becomes clear, the clouds have parted, there’s the sun. Is the real life? Mommaaaaaaaaa!
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Each week the Apprentice contestants, a bunch of shuffling, preening, f-tards slither into Sith Lord Sugar’s mock-office to bitch and whine and back stab about who was the most incompetent mongoloid in the show that week.
But those cunning TV execs knew we’d all hate the ego-crazed contestants and we’d get off on remarking on how stupid they are, even if we thought we watched it through the mocking veil of irony. Those evil bastards.
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So you’ve just graduated and now you must enter the big bad world of work and see if you can find something vaguely interesting to do that doesn’t sap your will to live, while earning something more substantial than magic beans.
Might as well give up now, forget about it. Just work on a drinking problem and get into daytime TV, then by the time you’re 30 you’ll be a raging alcoholic.
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When meeting the Queen of England, it’s important to cock your leg out in the manner befitting a 12th century nobleman and then shuffle it about in a manner befitting a 21st raver. It’s just common decency and if you don’t do it, one may lose their head.
So if you ever find yourself before Her Majesty for any reason other than treason, then make sure you do the leg cock as an indication that the Shuffle of Honour is about to go down.
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The truth can sometimes be a surprise you’d rather not know. Although, it’s best this guy finds out earlier rather than later about the secret his date is hiding beneath that dress and under that make-up.
He maybe should of seen the warning signs, for instance be wary of women with big hands, and if they walk like they’re got a pair, then it probably means they got a pair.
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It’s good to be drunk, the alcohol pumping through your veins as you hurtle along at 188mph narrowly avoiding running over pedestrians you goddamn boozed up douche dick. Yeah, drink drivers, they are pretty low on the list of decent human beings.
But just check out this Russian dude, there’s no need to breathalyse him, the clue here is the fact that he’s holding a pack of cigarettes which he’s mistaken for his mobile phone and is attempting to use them to make a phone call. That can be a real giveaway to the police. They’re pretty sharp like that.
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So the PSN network went down due to Anonymous or some faceless hacktivists attacking it because of some random cause, and it was a traumatic time for many people. Just how were they going to spend their time now? Go outside? For a walk? Dear God no.
Maybe you did what these guys did, instead of getting your senseless killing online, you got it for real. Because what are friends for if you can’t beat and shoot the crap out of them.
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