They were always onto a winner with this show. Take some cute wild animals going about whatever it is wild animals do, usually eating or moving their mouths just waiting for the BBC to come along and dub some silly voices over the top.
Hey presto you have a Saturday early evening filler and the only real cost is that Twitter-pervert Jason Manford and his Charlie Big Spuds paycheck. Oh, and remember to get shots of meerkats, standing. People go absolutely screaming nutzoid, lol-their-own-face-off for a standing, talking meerkat.
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Even superheroes can be a total git at times. They go around blowing stuff up, usually no one cares because it’s Gotham City, and we all know they’ve got bags of money so they can rebuild it ten times over, but when they go around blowing up Ken Barlow’s local. Well.
And not just blowing up the pub either but letting Commissioner Gordon use the Tumbler to completely wreck a fictional town in Greater Manchester, destroying the inhabitant’s lives. You wouldn’t get Superman doing that. Shame on you Bruce. Shame on you.
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Nick Clegg, a man who’s a walking contradiction, a man who sounded the death knell for his party. Ho ho. Ah well, not that it really matters, all politicians are full of shit and Nicky here is no exception.
Or maybe this was his plan all along, and he was a sleeper agent planted by the Conservatives to destroy the Lib Dems annihilating their party from British politics forever, turning generation iRiot into anarchists — in which case he’s been a roaring success. Bravo.
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Sushi gets a fast food bukake with Big Mac French fries bacon sushi, chicken nugget nigiri, and other artery clogging concoctions that will make you eyes turn into transfat holes of sludge just from watching the video.
I’m waiting for the day they go all out and eat salad leaves covered in cod liver oil, with soya granule sprinkles, aloe vera dip, sandwiched between whole wheat bread with a side of walnut halves. Next week, they fast.
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Now there’s Freudian slips, there are mistakes and there’s spoonerisms. But this is just down right rude. And even worse is his attempt at covering up his indiscretion.
The clarity of the C-word is unparalleled. Planned I say. Since when has the letter ‘H’ been so close to ‘C’ that they bleed seamlessly into one another? Never, that’s what I say. Well, give the man credit. Everyone must want to say the worst word known to man live on radio. It’s Christmas come early.
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Ah yes, the noble cause of highlighting the disgusting genocide of an entire people by a barbarous and fascist state. The systematic murder of millions of men, women, and children.
And then taking that, and practically farting in its lofty eyes by making a funny-voiced musical out of it. This time it’s Ralph Fiennes’s Nazi butcher Amon Goeth who gets the whimsical treatment. Lawl.
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Finally we have some closure on the age old question of whether there is an invisible, omnipotent, all-seeing, all-knowing gas(?) up in the heavens. I mean, I was always unsure whether an utterly implausible notion of constant doubt and excuse could exist, and if a book written hundreds of years ago still held as much sway now as it did then. Yeah, there was a niggling question there.
The answer, from all places, comes from a humble watermelon. We’ve had slogans on the side of buses telling us there’s no god, and an ancient man called Richard Dawkins writing books about the topic, but seeds in a fruit does it for me. Now we can all get back to our miserable, meaningless existences safe in the knowledge there is less meaning than anyone ever thought. Huzarr.
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Who knew that being a hand model was so important, you’d think it was just a job. Put some lotion on your hands, twirl them about a bit and watch the cheques roll in. Seems easy enough, just make sure you don’t slam them in a car door.
But no, this women is the very fabric keeping the universe together. They may well find her face and hands attached to elementary particles when they recreate the big bang at Cern. And stop it with the creepy smile already.
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