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There’s a message here. Always read the small print. Especially if you’re dealing with Hollywood stars. They’re used to getting anything they want, whenever they choose – whether that be a dozen white doves, a wellington filed with red M&Ms, or enough cocaine to fell a whale.
Danny De Vito ain’t no different, as this poor producer can attest. There’s a lot I’d do for my work, but male fellatio isn’t one of them. Then again…it IS Danny De Vito. Ah – what the hell.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if you knew exactly what your pets were thinking. If they could express their thoughts in logical sentences. Dog’s really would become a man’s best friend, as you could agree on stuff and discuss house matters.
Either that or it would just descend into a chaotic din. Your parakeet screeching complaints in the corner whilst the cat slags you off from behind as the goldfish sings hymns. Thinking about it, just watch this video. And be content with that. Animals are almost certainly better seen and not…spoken to.
This dog seems to think he needs to get his legs moving, despite it being decidedly aloft from the escalator’s metal surface. This is why dogs aren’t humans. A man can make a simple decision about an escalator. How it works, how to use it.
Then again, in its simplicity, a dog can enjoy many advantages. Like having the easiest life imaginable. I mean, who gets CARRIED on an escalator. Not you, not me. This dog may appear stupid, but it knows what it has to do to secure an easy life. Any more intrinsic intelligence, and life gets harder.
You’ve seen him on Shooting Stars as the van owning simpleton, well here he is at an event for Depression. If I was depressed, I think Angelos would turn me round. Especially when offending this intensely annoying interviewer.
Apparently people thought he was real when he first apppeared on Vic and Bob’s absurd quiz. I can see why. He’s totally immersed in his ridiculous character and getting more and more attention from comedy producers as a result. Long live Epithemiou.
This must have taken an age to set up. This guy is really committed to testing the small print on products. Maybe he’s the guy that knows that watches are resistant to a certain depth. He’s down there, risking his life testing them all. Dolls with forks? Shark attacks? Man this is some robust memory. Shame the human brain isn’t the same.
This should be the official training routine of the British Armies. Forget firing ranges and obstacle courses, you ain’t fit for war unless you’ve withstanded what the Samsung Memory Card has been through. Simple.
Just like there is no need to hide the fact that you are gay, who needs to be modest about playing some of the biggest roles in film history? By their very nature, actors should be confident and flamboyant.
Wear your t-shirt with pride, Sir Ian. March for your right to be in huge blockbusters. Never surrender your opinions.
Now where do we start with this? There’s a lot wong here. Firstly, the words ’sexual’ and ‘harassment’ should not be uttered in the same sentence when marketing a sex toy. Surely that’s not conducive to sexual fun. And Cornbrator? What’s sensual about a corn on the cob? Maybe smear a bit of butter on there while you’re at ‘it’.
As if all that wasn’t enough, the makers have gone all out at the end. Just in case you were in any doubt as to what you were getting yourself in for. ‘Hyper Wank Device’. Lovely.
They say the Mother’s bond with her baby is sacred. Well, not if you have an ace Dad like this. “Oh, hey Junior, what was your earliest memory?” “Me, my brother and my Dad dancing like twats”. Look at them – their brains are synced effortlessly.
I bet Michael Jackson couldnt dance before he could walk. Well, these fellas can. Ring up Simon Cowell, get on the blower to Britain’s Got Talent and sign them up. It’s the new version of John and Edward. The talented version.
