Social networking, Amazon, YouTube, FourSquare, all the usual suspects are here, relating the story of Jesus’s birth through the medium of intertubes.
I’ve always thought, if you were Joseph wouldn’t you be pissed at God for getting your wife pregnant. Yeah sure you’re the Almighty but that doesn’t mean you can go messing with someone’s wife. Omnipotent or not, you just don’t do that.
Some things are beyond satire. Neti Pot is one of them. “A special “Neti Pot” is filled with warm, slightly salted water and the spout of the pot is inserted into one nostril. The position of the head and pot are adjusted to allow the water to flow out of the other nostril. The technique is not as hard or uncomfortable as one may think at first.
Every thing has its extreme version. Ironing? There’s extreme ironing where crazy people do it under water and on the edge of a Great White’s teeth. And now, behold! Extreme neti potting. Total WTF!?!
Way to ruin your macho reputation Mr Putin. Usually he walks into a room and grown Hulks start whimpering with fear, and now he’s playing “Blueberry Hill” on the piano. Go. Figure.
What next, is he going to set up an orphanage for abandoned kittens, while nursing baby pandas on his pale white teats? I wonder if he takes requests, cos I’d sure like to see his rendition of Tina Turner’s “Simply the Best”.
So, can you? Have you tried it? Go on, give it a go, it’s difficult, huh? Well not for these guys, they’re the masters of loling without upturning the sides of their mouths.
OK, so they look like a couple of stroke victims having a fit, but so what, that’s the price you sometimes have to pay when you’re this awesome. Now try watching this video and laughing without smiling.
So, it now seems the iPad is the musical instrument du jour for the discerning pop star about town. And playing live? Forget using a stage, that was so 1998.
Now it’s all about an impromptu gig at your local mobile phone retailer, preferably you have a friend who works there and can grant you access to the iPad store cupboard. More street than concrete!
They were always onto a winner with this show. Take some cute wild animals going about whatever it is wild animals do, usually eating or moving their mouths just waiting for the BBC to come along and dub some silly voices over the top.
Hey presto you have a Saturday early evening filler and the only real cost is that Twitter-pervert Jason Manford and his Charlie Big Spuds paycheck. Oh, and remember to get shots of meerkats, standing. People go absolutely screaming nutzoid, lol-their-own-face-off for a standing, talking meerkat.
Even superheroes can be a total git at times. They go around blowing stuff up, usually no one cares because it’s Gotham City, and we all know they’ve got bags of money so they can rebuild it ten times over, but when they go around blowing up Ken Barlow’s local. Well.
And not just blowing up the pub either but letting Commissioner Gordon use the Tumbler to completely wreck a fictional town in Greater Manchester, destroying the inhabitant’s lives. You wouldn’t get Superman doing that. Shame on you Bruce. Shame on you.
Nick Clegg, a man who’s a walking contradiction, a man who sounded the death knell for his party. Ho ho. Ah well, not that it really matters, all politicians are full of shit and Nicky here is no exception.
Or maybe this was his plan all along, and he was a sleeper agent planted by the Conservatives to destroy the Lib Dems annihilating their party from British politics forever, turning generation iRiot into anarchists — in which case he’s been a roaring success. Bravo.
