If Barney took his vitamins and stopped being such an all round bellend he might be able to get close to being as complete a hardass as this yellow lizard dude. He’s out there fighting those dirty pedo scum like an extinct lizard on a mission from a dead loveless God.
He just doesn’t give a fuck. Look at those shades he’s wearing, look at those jeans and that leather jacket. Attire like that takes years of badassness to accomplish. So beware Reginald Pedo Charming. Beware.
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Stovies, in case you didn’t know you uncouth heathen scum, are a Scottish delicacy containing the rarefied ingredients of potato, onion, and left over meat. Then they’re stewed in beef dripping or lard or butter or the fat of a wandering Snorlax and then eaten. They taste better if you’re totally cunted on whiskey too.
And another thing you probably didn’t know, Dustin Hoffman fookin’ loves ‘em. He loves them so much he hopes to die and enter a paradise where there’s a never ending stovie for him to chow on for all eternity.
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It was a time when eggs were stolen by the greed of pigs who had to be stopped. And there was only one man who could accomplish such a hard and complicated task. One man and his birds. Angry birds.
From the phenomenal iPhone app that helped millions kill time while waiting for their friends to show up for a beer, comes the film of the decade, directed by Michael “LOUDER!!” Bay. Launching into a cinema near you never.
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So you’ve been out on a date, you both got on really well. She likes getting drunk and eating food at restaurants and, weirdly, so do you! You must be the only two people in the world who do. So it must be special, plus she likes the Godfather Part 3 and you do too. Just like that couple on the adverts.
You leave the restaurant, you walk her home, she invites you up for a coffee and…you refuse. WTF!? If you refuse then you deserve to get what this guy gets. Waiting’s for losers and people born in the 1950s.
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Selling the NHS aye. Nice one government, nice one. It’s not like people get ill any more is it, no, every known disease that man has every suffered from since the dawn of time has now been eradicated from the planet.
So, we don’t need a health system any more, let alone one that was free. Well done Mr. Secretary of State for Health, you’ve taken an outdated thing like helping people live and replaced it with something much more modern like watching them die.
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Those green pigs and those birds, are they so different after all? Maybe the whole egg stealing thing was just a massive misunderstanding and they were just borrowing them to keep them safe. I’m sure that was it.
Yeah, they’re all just trying to live in a precariously constructed world that’s really as fragile as all our own. There’s a lesson to be learned here, humanity would do good to look at how these two disparate sides come together in their shared experiences. It’s…it’s beautiful, man.
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Yeah, it’s OK for Thom Yorke to fling himself about like he was made of limbs and nothing else, without a care in the world. He thinks he’s so clever, like he’s beyond criticism or something.
Well, finally those people who thought the post-OK Computer albums were, frankly, a little bit shit and unlistenable, have a place they can meet, laugh, joke, and openly discuss how crap they really were.
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Now there’s nothing wrong with a rainbow society that celebrates the varied cultures of this multifarious earth that we all inhabit. But the line has to be drawn at Muslamic ray guns. What next, shooting concentrated Sharia law lazers from their beards and Jihad from their eyes?
It’s well know that the EDL have one single brain cell that they distribute amongst their members on a time share basis, but ray guns? They could be onto something here. Maybe they should all go work for Fox news, it sounds like the sort of dedicated investigative journalism that channel is championed and admired for.
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